Friday, November 20, 2009

May Be

Note: I am writing on behalf of Ms. Blanche Durosit

Banks of river Seine was our first meeting place. It was part of my duty to look and hunt for new “cockroaches”. I know they were source of my bread but it was completely my talent that always made them slipped on my buttery and trickery web. Yes, you guessed it right! I was a Tourist Guide and my job was to trap passengers, coming down from the ferry, and make them aware of my beautiful city, Paris. It was another aspect of my charming personality that I was able to fetch a much higher commission fee from my goodie goodie fool fool customers.

It was Sunday morning when I first encountered him, can say the most beautiful morning of my life. It was so striking that I still remember the date also, 18th October ‘1982.

l was almost 99.9% lucky that day. That day, I was eagerly waiting for a “cockroach” but you know what, inspite of getting one, I got bordered by so many cockroaches. A mob of 3-4 passengers surrounded me and enquired about my fee. I was surprised to find out that my rival tourists guides were not on the shore as all of them were busy in attending another ferry. Great! What else I can wish for. So, without wasting my time I doubled my already raised fee and finally enclosed a deal with a cockroach.

“Excuse me Madame” could you please help me out to find the way to Alexandre Dumas I have booking there.

“Alexandre Dumas” I screamed while turning back. My eyes got broad due to maximization of greed in my retina and surely they became greedier after seeing…umm……after checking him out!!!>>>

“O Sir, you are looking for Alexandre Dumas, I know the hotel. It’s near Eiffel tower. Let me assist you………

oh shit!! I just realized that I am carrying a cockroach with me.

“Wait a minute Sir, I will be back soon” and I straightly traveled few meters and dropped a note “I am really sorry Sir, I won’t be able to take you on a ride of joy in my lovely city. I just learnt about the ill health of my friend, so I have to leave. Thanks for choosing Blanche Tours & Travels. Have a nice stay!!” I completed my already prepared sentence in front of cockroach.

Well ……what an effect of a 5 feet 10 inch tall guy having gracious looks.

But to tell you, I was equally beautiful and famous in my society. Even I had a huge list of admirers. It was Blanche only who never gave a glance. Obviously, I too had an attitude of my own.
But here the case was more than a charming face. He had a reservation in Alexandre Dumas, a classy hotel for classy people …..ding dong  :-) Definitely he will be a fool who will miss the opportunity to assist; I mean to fetch a handsome amount from such a filthy rich customer.

“Yes Sir, tell me how Blanche Tours & Travels can serve you”

“Ms Blanche, I am here for a week. Make my trip memorable. Show me the best of the city and force me to come back again to this capital of wonders” He proposed his scheme.

“Definitely Sir, I am masters in making voyages unforgettable” I sarcastically threw at him

 “O yaw! Well, I have a very cool name which sounds far better than Sir. I am Sonart Roger. My mum calls me Sona” phew!! he said it very impressively

“Hello Mr. Sona” I welcomed him with my infectious and intoxicated smile.

Well, it will be good if we can discuss my fee beforehand. And since you know, I left my customer for you, so I will be charging a double amount”...”Damn!!” the words were in upper palate of buckle cavity of my mouth.....don’t know why they did not  wished to transform into sound......his magic>>>

“Let’s directly go to your booking place Alexandre Dumas. Take refreshment and I will take you on a ride to some choosy places, and to put in your kind notice other tourist guides do not take their customers to such spots. I have selectively chosen it for you.” my excitement do not needed any more adjectives to convey my plan of joy.

Then finally we reached to the topmost luxury hotel in town. My elation knew no leaps and bounds after seeing the interiors of the hotel. Woo, my dream was almost half fulfilled after having taking breakfast in an exclusive inn that too with the sexiest person alive on the planet. Guess, my 99.9% luck got changed into 100% :-). Nice for me! What a refreshing Sunday that too with a sexy guy :-)

One thing was for sure, something happened to me that day. I was not like before. Was a bit different not only in my personal activities but with my professional career also. I never ever have behaved in such a strange manner. Believe me I used to be very smart!!

So, here comes my choosy and selectively spotted place where other guides do not take their customers. (Definitely, no guide will take atleast a bachelor to this place)

“Here we are Sir, this is very untouched and recently rarely visited place-----“The Zoo” my enthusiasm wrapped up with my bubbly innocence came out this way.

“Here you will feel very close to nature. You will get a chance to learn the behavioral pattern of animals. Wow, just imagine! You will spend a luxury time as well as will add up to your knowledge.” I tried my best to make my insensible act sound sensible.

“God, please help me, I am knowingly climbing up, step by step, the ladder of insanity. Stop me.”.......but few thing’s are meant to happen.......that day, full day, non stop I chit chatted with him and told him quick and fast facts about animals. I would have sounded atleast descent if I would have told him about the imprisoned animals. Huh!! I was playing the part of goddess of fool that day. I made him aware about the difference between mules and donkeys, both in their genetic and the working difference. Further, I gave him a lecture on laughing expressions of rabbit, mating calls of birds and cruel activities of Dogs. Thank was evening...else would have tortured him for long with my thoughtless tales.

I am sure you will be eager to know his expressions.

He smiled throughout the day. He did not even tried to move his eye balls from me...not even for a second.

He was completely lost and thoroughly enjoyed my lessons on animal kingdom.....uhu..uhu....domestic animal kingdom. Believe me I am not lying. He himself gave this feedback after returning back to hotel.

“He must have gone nuts!! Aaaa, good for me” it was my relaxed sigh.

It was his second day of trip. I took him to bank.

Seriously what a %#!#$&*$@# ....I am. I am just too much. I am charging him for tour and I used him for my personal work.

See, I am not actually that bad. I just came to know that I need to urgently transfer my money to my dad’s account. Kindly note the word “urgent” so it was my helplessness which powered me for such an act.

“Sir, this is a very good bank. It is counted in top 10 local banks of Paris. Inorder to give you a feel of daily routines of citizens and to make you aware of the ways by which they tackle their daily needs, I accompanied you to this place. Here you will come to know how local banks of Paris work. And again mind you, no tourist guide will count it as a spot.” I simply told him in the simplest possible way.

“Oh Thanks to you for taking me to such a good local bank of Paris Ms Blanche. I was too in need of local currency. You carry on with your urgent work and meanwhile I also fetch some franks.” This way he lifted up my guilt feel.

“How cute he is?? Now, I realized why I was acting differently. His gracious acts and simple deeds were forcing me to fall for him and people in love are bound to act differently...guess in a more insane manner......whatever it may be.....the feel was different and I was happy.

It was third day. This time I took him to a selectively chosen spot. No, I am serious this time. I took him to a historical building, located at the west end of the country. It was a lonely place but very peaceful. It was very less visited by people. Because of this serenity, it was my favorite place.

“Sir, this is my personally preferred place. In my ups and down I come here. The soothing blow of air, passing through the layer of calmness, gives me a sense of sensitivity and I easily reach to my conclusions. I am not sure whether other tourist guides take their customers to this place or not but you are the first one for me to whom I wanted to pay a visit to this place.” Sweetness in my voice jammed the moment.

He looked into my eyes and murmured “You are unique Ms. Blanche. I liked everything about you. I liked your silliness, your innocence, your imagination, your analytical skills, your chirpiness and now your maturity.”

Uff, how to explain.....everything got freeze......a moment of silence crossed our path.

Almost for an hour neither he said anything nor I. We exchanged our emotions through eyes.

Well, he then took the lead and asked me if I would like to go out with him to a place of his choice.

I voluntarily agreed, nodding my head, I rumored “Let’s go”.

Aah!! Can you presume the place he took me?

“Dear Blanche, it’s my third day here in Paris. And I must say that you are really perfect in your job, as you made me traveled half of the country in just three days but yes except this place. So, I was wondering if I could take you here.” In a very smiling approach he placed his say.

“I wholeheartedly like you. I know it’s just three days but many a times we do not need a long to value our true emotions. From the very first second, I felt different and unique emotions with you. ............he was left blank for second..........................................................and then continued..........................................................................Would you company me to my original city Madagascar and spread happiness in my home? Would you like to spend your life with me?” bending on his knees he delicately made a proposal in front of Eiffel tower.

In reply I simply hugged his masculine physique.

So, this is my story, a simple sweet love story though a very small one.

It was his last day of trip.

Cruse blew its last whistle. But we were not yet prepared to say goodbye.

He tightly hugged me and whispered in my ears “Blanche, you have made it difficult for me to leave the country. I will miss you badly till our next meet. Do post me letters and pictures of our treat. I will convince my parents and will be back soon to take you away for forever.”

My eyes became full of tears. I decided not to cry till I see him again as the tears were of joy and overloaded with love emotions. Therefore, I managed to roll them back. I did not wish to say him a temporary bye with weeping eyes. I then gave a big smile and said “Go! Else you will miss your journey.”

Today is 15th February ‘1984. I have not wept in between. My tears are still waiting to come out. I am still waiting for him.

It has been almost 1.5 years. But I haven’t forgotten a single moment. My heart still says that he truly loved me. I undoubtedly believe that he was a gentle person as my eyes marked him out of the total population of 2,203,817+60% visitors of Paris. My soul knew him; we were made for each other. It’s not simply my blind love for him which is bluffing and asking me to deny the core facts but my firm faith in my own decision. I have no idea, why Sona didn’t come back? Why he didn’t communicate his situation? Why he left me alone to face the world? How that innocent person became so unemotional? I just do not hold any answers to any of his unsaid actions. I simply know that I was true when I was with him and these memories are assets to me.

What to say further, I was so much troubled with his thoughts that I dropped my Blanche Tours & Travels. That shore reminds me of him. I just made a quit to my job and started working in a shop as a sales-girl.
But still I daily go to Seine’s bank in the morning, to request any of the traveler of the Cruse to carry my post to Madagascar and hand it over to a person named Sona, if by chance he/she gets to meet him.
I still remember his last words while our departure. He asked me to post letters. I am living up to my promise till now.

I daily write a letter to him stating my current situations, about my past circumstances which I was then not able to share with him, a few notes on morality and principles which means a lot to me, my wishes and about the perseverance of my feelings for him. I write it in such a way that only Sona could read and understand my say and not the traveler, in short I do it in code words. Only my heart knows, daily how I gather my all senses and trust in my soul, to write a letter again as my day, daily ends up in hopelessness. This way, I am leading my life on this faith that someday Sona will encounter with the chosen traveler and he will receive my news.

“MAY BE” after reading my letters he will come to know about the depth of my Love for him and decides to come back.

My comment: Tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of relief, and tears of unfulfilled wish are good for us as the eyes are the doorway to the soul, and thus tears cleanse our soul. But for the first time I came to know about the tears of waiting………….just keeping patience to check out its power. If he comes back… will get proved that an honest heart which is good, sincere, open, ready to accept and give love unconditionally holds the majesty, magic and mystery of turning a dream into a reality else……..

Well, I just do not wish to speak much about Sona, because I am not aware of his situation, his emotions and his thoughts. I completely agree with Blanche that if she is still waiting for him then definitely there must be something in Mr. Sonart Roger which our eyes could not see. Even I consider that certain circumstances lead to the wrong or forcible judgment. But one thing is for sure, knowingly or unknowingly Sona committed a Sin. Yes, I would not call it as a mistake but a sin to translate such a chirpy and bubbly girl into a dead and lifeless body.

My best and heartiest wishes are with Blanche. May Sona someday receives her letters, realize her pain, recognize her love and revert back. May their Love blossom with the kick of the Spring. Amen!


  1. Hope there is no MAY in the last line,in real life.

  2. My, my 1.5 yrs of wait. Blanche truly is a very strong woman of faith. I commend her views towards her wait and towards Sona sacred. The story doesn't show Sona's side of story, so no comments there (I can write on his behalf (as you sided Blanche), if permitted) :)
    A lot actually depends on what kind was Sona's love and how the few days were spent between them.

  3. Plz go ahead Kush.....I would love to know your view or how you take side of Sonart Roger:-)

  4. You must understand there could be many reasons of a boy to leave a girl and vice-versa....No body can't be termed wrong or bad in their act. A girl might use a boy for his money and reputation and a boy might use a girl for his own satisfaction...Reason could be any. So Just as you can't blame a boy, so can I not blame a girl...Because pain of heart sees no gender, it only sees the pain itself. Moreover, the pained always think he/she is been victimized...No one's fault yet fault of both.

  5. To
    Ms Blanche Durosit,
    Paris, France

    I hope this letter finds its way to reach you in this big world of ours to deliver you a message which I am sure would be most dear to you to know. My name is Kush and via a common friend of ours I came to know your story about Late Mr. Sonart Roger. To await the return of a loved one whom you knew only for few days for almost 2 yrs is a sign of great strength and faith in love. This very same love drove me to a quest to learn the true reason of Sona’s absence from your life. Please forgive me in case my quest seemed inappropriate to you, but I understand the value of such patience and the throbbing of heart each day to know the answer to that special “WHY”. Please find enclosed below my journey and how I find myself heavy at heart to deliver my message.


    After I heard of your story, I undertook to set myself to a journey to Madagascar rather than writing a letter; fearing the worst that maybe Sona did lie to you about his native place. But your love for him strengthened my faith in him too and I started anyhow. I am sorry I never did get to meet this wonderful guy whom you had met and loved, but more or less I know the reason and story behind his absence. My enquiry started from his very home where I met his parents, and then his ex-fiancée Ms. Sharon Lovehood and a sailor of a ship named Mr. Jack Martin.

  6. Sonart Roger’s Parents
    My visit to Sona’s parents was very troublesome. They thought me to be your friend and almost ordered their dog to chew me off the house. Only when I told them a lie (necessary one there); that I was allowed inside. It seemed that they were not too happy about Sona meeting you and proposing you for marriage. It seemed to them that a well-to-do son like theirs ought not to get married to a woman like you. (If only they had known how truly a wonderful woman you are). They had tried their best to change his mind only to make his love stronger; until the day when his father became seriously ill. It seemed that he was about to die from it, when he emotionally blackmailed your loved one to decide otherwise. Sona was a very loving child too, just as he was a loving person towards you. He couldn’t deny his father’s wishes and with a heavy heart it seems agreed to his decision. Here comes the arrival of his to-be-fiancée Ms Sharon Lovehood. It seems she is a carefree girl of the city whose sole purpose is to charm rich boys and enjoy their companionship till the very end only to then pick another guy; and now her eyes were on Sonart Roger “the charming rich bachelor of the town”. She was smart enough to charm his parents first to buy her entry. I am very distressed to let you know that your letters had reached their destination always, but not at the right hands. His mother had received the first letter and it seemed arranged a way to ensure the arrival of all the letters to her. She had kept them hidden from Sona and also committed the sin to give him a fake letter on your behalf saying that you have found another man in France. Please do forgive her for her deed. Although her father later recovered; but they saw to it that he doesn’t turn back to his promise. Soon, the engagement took place and Ms Sharon started living with him. At last all they could tell me was that one day he found out about your letters and was deeply moved. He was almost on the verge of burning the house to ashes for keeping your precious letters a secret from him. Your love, your deep feelings for him and your then living circumstances made him to decide the inevitable; it seems to me now. He didn’t talk to his parents or Sharon for a day or two after that. I am been conveyed that within two days of that disaster day (as they mention to me), Sona left the house for good; writing to them that he would never return back home and plans to settle with you somewhere forever. His parents are in the assumption that he is living with you now, but knowing the truth myself I know more lies to this journey. I bid them farewell and took off to meet Mrs Sharon Miller (she seemed to get married to the city’s richest doctor later).

  7. Mrs. Sharon Miller
    Mrs Miller I see truly lives up to her image- Beautiful, charming and CUNNING. It took me quite a bit of an effort to lie nice and proper to her about my visit. Although my visit was short but it prepared me for my next journey. She never did love Sona in the first place and felt that Sona knew it too. More than this she felt Sona loved you more than anyone else. Strange it would seem to you that even after their engagement they never did sleep together. In Mrs Millers own words, “Sonart always did step back from touching me as if his hands were meant to touch someone else. He always seemed so distant and engaged to himself in thoughts. There were times when unknown to my presence near to him he talked to himself sadly- “I wish you could be with me my love. Please forgive me for keeping you away from me so long. My love is and shall always be for you and you only for now and till eternity. ”. Strange remarks if I might add”. Mrs Miller knew she had lost her bet on Sonart and was already trying to distance herself off and devising ways to break the engagement. “It was a good thing that he found out about the letters. To tell you the truth Mr. Kush it was me who hinted him of them. Oh! You should have seen how he blew himself up that day; I never knew till then that he could show so much anger and sadness together. It made me the victim when he left the house for good and took that day’s boat to the capital. To be honest, had he not done so then I couldn’t have pretended to be sick and then get married to my husband, could I? It’s all part of this game of life- some win, some lose. I hope he is happy with that ***** where ever they are. So Mr. Kush tell me, are you a married man?” It took me more than anything to restrain my hand from getting lifted and fly towards those pompous cheeks of hers then. I bid her a quick farewell and rushed to the dockyard to know which ship sailed that day to Toamasina (nearest major port to the capital).

  8. Mr. Jack Martin
    At the dockyard I met a very nice resourceful guy who knows everyone and everything that goes on there. He had directed me to meet a certain Mr. Jack Martin (famously known as Jackin) to talk in this regards. Jack was a nice bearded sailor guy, always showing off his gold tooth in the front while smiling. Since I was in a hurry to know about your Sona’s whereabouts I decided to play straight with him. “Aye, he, Senor Sonart was a very nice guy, charming and joyous guy. But he was depressed that day when I saw him; yeah mighty depressed but yet happy his eyes shone to me. Mighty odd if ya’ ask me mate. No one can be sad and happy at once, can they?” Although I agreed with him but inside I knew why it was so. Sona was sad to know the truth after 1 year of staying away from you, disillusioned that you are married and happy at the same time that he is on his way to live with you for good. Yes, only I could understand his state of mind. To answer to your prayers, your letters, your faith, your patience was everything for him now. It seemed that Almighty himself was taking him to you; no wonder he was happy then. “But let me tell ya’ a secret mate, you seem a nice decent fella’ and am sure you won’t go talk to cops about it”. It was then that I raised an eyebrow- Cop? Where did police come into the picture? “Ya’ see mate, the thing is that day there was a storm in our journey and the ship was pretty weak to take it. Now our dear captain was all drunk and dirty that night. Poor Senor Sonart, he tried to reason with the captain to dock somewhere until the storm passes off; but no sir; our captain heard not a word. During the sail Senor was walking by the railing when he got into a tiff with the captain again. This time the captain showed a bit too much of his strength and brushed him only to see him falling off the ship. Poor Senor Sonart, he fell into that storm and no one could see him at that time of night. Am sorry fella’ there was nothing anyone could do and it was an unfortunate event. We reported to no one about it, as no one came to ask us about him until today. Now you tell to no one about this okay? Heed me well, ya’ better be off leaving this dock now”. He was about to leave, when I came to my senses. Sona dead? And that also unknown to anyone; especially to his loved Blanche who is still waiting for him?
    “Mr Jack, was there any luggage of Senor Sonart which you people might have kept with you, some letters maybe?”, I asked hopefully. “Ya’ right. I do have some letters now that you mention and a diary of his; that’s all. The dresses and money were taken by others.”
    This way I got hold of those precious letters you had sent. Although I didn’t get to understand much of what you wrote in them, but the diary of Sona was very useful to me. It recorded his last moments and thoughts (all for you).

  9. Diary of Sonarta Roger
    I am so happy today knowing that my lovely Blanche is not married and waiting for me out there in the beautiful city of Paris. How I wish I could fly to her and give her my arms to rest upon. Oh God! Why don’t you give us loved ones wings to fly just like your angels. It was such a troublesome year to live without her and to bear the presence of Sharon. I know Blanche will never forgive me for what I did, but I am sure she will understand what I had gone through. My god- so many letters unanswered, so many not read by me. How could I ever face her for this? I will ensure that I take her to a beautiful church first thing when I meet her and get married. Later on we both can answer to those letters. Oh that crazy girl, she left her job to await my return and to think love can make sensible people insane. If only I could have known the truth, if only she could have known the truth. How could I have known that the letter was a fake one? No wonder that Sharon was able to make me agree to her proposal and trap me in her charm. Woman, who could understand them- One waits for me and the other traps me in her web? Why such circumstances come in the life of loved ones who wish nothing but to live together and enjoy the moments with each other? If only I could whisper my caring words to this storm which could take it all the way to her and let her know I am coming to her. Now I know why I felt so terrible even after reading the fake letter. True heart can always hear the call of another, and to think that Sharon was almost getting married to me. That witch!! How my parents could be so blind to true love and welcoming to a witch like her. If only they could have thought and cared more to my wishes than their own desires. Blanche would have become such a beautiful wife to me and a daughter-in-law to them. Why I ask you God, does fate play such cruel games at us who are sincere at heart? What rights to do you have to play with my Blanche’s heart knowing how soft and caring she is? I still remember those eyes and that darling face of hers when I saw her at the banks of Seine. Her looking around for a customer on that beautiful Sunday morning, I still remember that wonderful day and date; 18th October 1982- Prized day of my life to meet the most prized possession I could ever imagine. Well, all I can add now is that “all is well that ends well”. Tomorrow is my flight to Cairo and then to Paris. I meet her the next day and off we are to live a beautiful life for the rest of the days. I am coming my love…….I am coming to you forever my treasured one !!

    Tears came to my eyes; rather it flowed like a flood from those small eyes of mine. Such love, such passion and such a tragedy to happen to him? What will I say to Blanche now? My journey still comes to and end. Whom shall I take to her now that I know the truth of his absence? So devoted was his love for her, that he was taken by the very hands of Almighty to himself. Hain Bhagwan! Why showing injustice to that poor woman who awaits his return? I took all those letters and the diary with me to keep with myself.


  10. Ms Blanche, please harbor no ill feelings towards Sona, your loved one, for he betrayed you not. All he did was to love you from the very second his eyes rested on you. As my letter shows to you, fate it seemed had other intentions in store for both of you. I know I could not console you out of this grief, but still as an unknown person who relates to you I want you to be strong and live your life not just for yourself but for Sonart too. I know that there are chances you might not fall in love again, but I am sure it would not be something Sonart would like you to do. He would want you to live on with your life, to remember him during your Sunday prayers. Your love is as true for him as his was for you. Now since he lives no more, it is on your shoulders to carry the love of both. I convey to my condolences, but also warm wishes to see a bright tomorrow.

    PS: I have kept the letters and the diary with me as an example that such sacred and true love still exists on the face of Earth.

    Kush M.
    (A Friend)