Thursday, June 17, 2010

Pulse of Change

Mineralized thoughts, dancing at the backyard of my cerebrum, usually drums hard to pay it heels with the rhythm of life. Most of the time, you will spot me out trying to analyze myself. I, very often, examine my skeleton, staying alive in my family’s cupboard, to learn the flavors of life. The need is to chalk out my very own trend of evolution. Huh!!….let me not sound like a complicated She-Ox, in simple, I wish to scrutinize the transformation under the two categories “Before” and “After” to finally analyze the resultant “Change” derived from the said vectors.

The abovementioned two categories are very universal, usually when, you drive back your machinery to a SISS (self improvable service station).

Well, it is said that curiosity is the mother of all the inventions. It is true then also when you are inquisitive about yourself. You do self analysis and end up knowing/ discovering a hidden attribute. With every eye the reason of conducting a self-analysis may differ, but I am pretty sure that the backbone of this exercise says “Reveal to me my own very secrets”.

I know, we all very often undertake this exercise to understand the scientology of life’s ways and the impact of the changed us on our daily routines. Therefore, I too followed the methodology to do self-analysis through knowing the change in me. After analyzing, a list was prepared of the changes that have happened to me recent past years.

Aah!  Strange it was for me to discover that most of the times it is the simple things that changed my life. I, mainly, react and mind small things and easily forgive and forget big things.
So, after completing the self-analysis appraisal form, I finally reached to a conclusion that “Yes! I have changed a lot and all the changes were positive, the change was for improvement and the change was for better me”

Issshh!! I believe this was the only mistake that I made. Uff! I declared the above mentioned statement so clearly and so confidently that it gave a good faith chance to memory to challenge my say.

For challenging me, It took the said example:-

It happened few months back, when I was out in Delhi, for some regular shopping. To return back to my sister’s place (in Delhi) I started looking for a rickshaw. I tried to negotiate the fare amount with many rickshaw pullers but none was ready to compromise. But, finally I got one, who himself came and showed interest in dropping me at the price that suits me. While dropping me back home, he enquired, if I have friends who uses rickshaw very frequently. He further, offered the charges which are at our convenience level. He told me that he is in urgent need of money as his son is hospitalized, where he daily needs to pay Rs.250 and thus he needs to make sure of this minimum earnings on daily basis. 

I heard his tale with full patience. I will call it as “tale” only because I did not believe him. I remember, somebody once told me to check out person’s eyes to know the “truth”. But irony is, people are getting smarter day by day…………….they can easily lie and fool you with full emotions… for me this option never works……..I personally believe a person, only when he proves his words and for this you need time!!....but here we lacked time.

So, thing was, I didn’t trust him. I told him “Sorry bhaiya! I cannot help you. I do not stay in Delhi and I have no friends here and moreover with money also I cannot help!”

After saying this, I left the rickshaw.

Hell! My reminiscence acts very strong when it has to blame or question me.

By looking at this incident, I wasn’t able to judge the genuineness of the rickshaw puller. If I would have been earlier Shweta I would have definitely helped him out with some money no matter if he is genuine or fake. A life would have matter more to me than a feel that I am getting fooled by someone. But you see, I am a changed Shweta!!

Problem is being emotional we always have to pay heavy price and it’s not good to keep doing so. The Wikipedia definition of “Emotional Stability” defines it as “the state of an individual that enables him or her to have appropriate feelings about common experiences and act in a rational manner”. But crisis is, we many a times, fail in maintaining the “Emotional Stability” and ignore the genuine call.

The above example was just a simple case taken to show the other side of the change. The more complex and guilt making case will come if you were solely responsible for making someone’s life heaven by showing your concern in the needed situation, but that time you didn’t pay heed and thus by default became the reason for other’s crashed life/situation.

I suppose we did not change as we grew older; we just get our trueself more diluted….we loose ourselves in this fast track…….and if I visualize the other side of the coin I see “If you don't create change, change will create you” and if a change is forcible i.e. the rude surroundings and the modern culture forced you for the change…….umm…let me call it as “Adoption of Necessary Evil” then also we are explicit to miss our true character.

The hypothesis “Adoption of Necessary Evil” is not practiced by us right from the beginning but we start cultivating it during our developmental years. We all in our lives, come across with some real good, gigantic bamboozler’s who knowingly/unknowingly participates as a foundational brick in building and confirming our emotional permanence, so that in near future our surroundings can witness a Stronger Us. 

We definitely cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. But problem is “Are we really efficient enough, to maintain every time, the balance in our new gained attitude?”

The final un-answered question is: “Does Change always come bearing gifts?”